Canada v England

Long time no see. How are you?

I haven't written an entry to my blog for a while as I didn't feel I had anything new to contribute. Now I do, so here I am.

I feel inspired to write again as a result of my recent trip home to see family and friends. I had been dying to see them and my short holiday quenched my thirst, however it also made me realise what miserable b*stards the general public are in the south east of England.

Everyone has a tendency towards nostalgia and idolising home when they've been away for a while, and I am no different - I was desperately looking forward to seeing quintessentially English things like green grass, oast houses, red letter boxes, good quality television programs etc and I certainly had my fill. It was amazing to see my family and friends too and it makes me really happy to realise what a thoroughly nice bunch of people I know. However, I was surprised at my surprise at things that I accepted as part of day to day life but now found uncomfortable and displeasing i.e. busy and crowded roads, shops and towns and the general public (in the south east) having a "what do you want from me?" and "please keep your distance" approach to life when dealing with other members of the public.

I was terribly home sick when I first arrived in to Jasper and could not invisage myself living happily here for a sustained period, however now I've had time to settle in and groove a nice social, work and leisure lifestlye I feel very content. There are aspects of this life which I now cherish i.e. the willingness of the average person on the street to meet my eye contact and exchange pleasantries, the helpfulness and competence of every day workers and serving staff and strangers' apparent happiness to have an amiable conversation with me. I will give an example to illustrate my point. I was cycling past the playing field the other day when there was a group of blokes kicking a ball around and it just so happened that I was wearing a Brazil football shirt at the time. One of the men saw me, and I assume as a result of seeing me wearing a football shirt, shouted over, "hey, come and join us, do you want to play football?". I thought it was a really friendly thing to do and made me feel very happy. Could I imagine this ever happening at home? In short, no. I think it is more likely a catholic priest would stay celibate.

In response to what I imagine will be the questions raised as a result of me saying this, no, I don't want to live in Canada permanently. Maybe were my situation different, and my family happened to relocate here, I could imagine doing so. But that won't happen and there are many reasons why I will be very happy to return living in England.

I have found that travelling to different parts of the world makes me appreciate England more each time I leave. I believe us to be a nation far advanced in terms of human rights, ethics, justice, political fairness and stability (well, I actually believe all politicians are cheating, self promoting w*nkers, but ours are slightly more covert with their dishonesty and cheating in comparison to the rest of the world I've seen), technology and the countryside is beautiful. Furthermore, stuff works and our climate is 'mild'. We don't have riots in parliament, tornadoes, tsunamis, droughts (well, councils do have a penchant for premature hosepipe bans) and we actually have a transport system that (a) exists (b) works for the most part and (c) is fairly priced. Here in Canada, if I want to travel from Jasper to Vancouver, which is about 500 miles away, I can do so, however it takes approximately 14 years to do so and I will have to take out a 25 year loan to pay for my journey. Also, there is a charge for EVERYTHING. I farted the other day and a local official came over with her hand out asking for money. If you want to receive a call on your phone, you pay for it. If you want to receive a text, you pay for it. If someone pours you a drink and does you the service of taking your money from you, they expect a tip. What a load of old shite I say!

In summary,I propose the simple solution of importing a few jolly Canadians in to England, particularly the south east, whereby I will have them interbreed with the miserable, incestuous miserable b*stard general public, and then everything will be grand. Our national sports teams will suddenly develop a sense of competitiveness and pride and people will actually start saying, "good morning" to each other.

The only problem is that I will have to pay excess baggage fees to bring them back. Any contributors to help fund my plan?

Jasper, Alberta

We are here and one week into working for our new employers!

I will start from the beginning as to give the most accurate description of the events that have passed since our arrival.

We took the Greyhound Bus from Vancouver, and I was unpleasantly surprised at just how SHITE it was! I never imagined the scenario where I would be comparing buses in Canada to those in South America (on the large part in Brazil, Argentina and Peru, admittedly) and turning my nose up at them! The seats didn't recline, it was cramped and the bus was old. Yes ladies and gentlemen, that is Greyhound for you.

However, the ride was quick and smooth and the driver was very helpful. The view from the window was stunning too - tall pine trees, trickling glacial rivers and tall mountains capped with snow. For ten hours, all I saw was the above. As you can imagine, looking at the same thing, whether beautiful or not, for 10 hours becomes tedious. Furthermore, given that we passed very few signs of life on the way into Jasper during the journey, I was struck by a scary feeling of remoteness - it felt like I was being led into isolation! I had one vivid and worrying thought - 'what if Ｉdon't like the place / the people / the job?'. It stuck with me for the remaining 2 hours of the journey and shaped my mood until the day after our arrival.

When we arrived into the bus station, or rather got dropped off at the bus stop (Jasper is SMALL), a lovely guy called Dwight was waiting there to meet and greet us. He was instantly likeable and we've had good banter ever since. However, he wasn't instantly recognisable. All I had been told through e-mail was that his name was Dwight and he was head of maintenance. Thus, when I descended from the bus and saw a portly gentleman in his 60s with a grey beard, I was certain this would be Dwight. I know that if my name was Dwight and I was head of maintenance, I would be portly and have a grey beard. Even if I didn't have grey hair!

Following this initial shock, Dwight loaded our bags into the van and took us of a quick tour of Jasper. Now, as I mentioned, Jasper is small. I'm not sure there is anything other than a quick tour therefore. I am certain there are some Wetherspoons' in England that are bigger. All the same, we were guided to all the main points of interest.

We arrived at our apartment block and again I had mixed feelings - the outside of the building was quite impressive, however the corridors were hideous - they would not look out of place in The Shining. Once the door to our apartment was open, I realised we were on to a sweet deal. Uninterrupted view of the snow capped Rocky Mountains, plenty of space and a nice new bathroom - perfect!

Despite the great apartment, my feeling of unease and slight sadness persisted.

On our first whole day in Jasper, Cressy and I got busy making ourselves acquainted with all the local facilities that we'd be using, i.e. library, gym, grocery shop, second hand shop etc. They were all excellent. Further to that, we were introduced to the other members of our chain gang for the next 6 months, and they all seemed normal and nice! I started feeling a lot happier, and since then, I definitely feel like this is a place I can happily call home for 6 months!

One last thing about Jasper - in spite of its minuscule size, there is an incredible amount of things to do here to keep oneself entertained. For example - plenty of good pubs with regular special offers, countless walks to explore the beautiful surrounding countryside, green / blue lakes with ample sized beaches to swim in and bbq around, excellent leisure centre and a library with a fantastic stock of good books and fast internet access.

I should mention the job too. The staff seem like the nicest people you'll ever meet in your life (apart from me obviously), the location, log cabins and grounds are in fact even MORE beautiful than the pictures on their website, which is a first for me and I have variety in my work. I am The Maintenance Man (in capitals as I am sure they will release a film about me in this role in the future) and have already checked smoke alarms, made sure TVs are working, shifted tonnes of dirt and driven a big manly truck that has the ability to tilt its back end and dump stuff. In addition to this, I get to ride a 3 wheeled bike with a basket on the back (I challenge any male to ride one and NOT look camp) next to a glacial river and look at the mountains whilst moving from job to job. I literally ride along whistling, smiling and wondering what my friends and family are doing at home!

This last section will be reserved to revere Dwight. He already has gained legendary status, for a few reasons. Firstly, all inanimate objects are female. For example, when referring to a garden rake, 'oh, just chuck her over there'. In addition, he calls his truck, 'the old girl'. Finally, he says very often, in a southern USA accent, 'Ooh heck'. Need I say more?!

I look forward to the next six months, and in particular the visits of my parents, some friends, and Cressy's family. I still dearly miss my family at home that I won't see until November and hope they can make it out before then if possible! Big up to the T Wells crew and Darren.

Keep it real homies and don't let David 'I'm an arseh*le' Cameron win the election!!

Island Life

S'up!

So, here I am, back where I started, in Brian's chair in his apartment in Vancouver, using his computer and mouse that has a lead that is a fraction too short to be convenient - the perfect length to rile me but not short enough to incentivise me to do anything about it. I believe the formula is "perfect length / the square root of annoyingness".

Today is a sad day - Brian beat me at squash. Correction, he whooped my sorry, tired, lazy traveller arse. Admittedly I had a turd racquet and we used a blue dot ball which made my task all the harder, but a whooping still it was. My tail is well and truly between my legs. A rematch is defo on the cards!

Canada - we're back. And my god is it expensive. It literally pains me in my chest when I now pay $5.50 for a beer, having paid on average $1 for the last 4.5 months in South America. Thus, Cressy and I have resorted to shopping in what they call Thrift Stores (charity shops) for clothes, and convincing ourselves that the items do infact look excellent on us. I did get a Jansport jumper for $5 that looks in perfect condition - you have to see it to believe it.

Vancouver Island was heaven like. Our plan was to head to the west coast to a town called Ucluelet, or Ukee as the locals call it to surf, then head across to Mount Washington to snowboard. I spoke to the guy I know (Mike) who runs the hostel in Ukee, and he told me that hitchhiking is very common on the island. Cressy and I decided to do it, and along the way ended up saving ourselves over $150 and met some incredible people.

We must have travelled in excess of 500 miles just hitching, and every person who picked us up felt like our friend after a short period. The Vancouver Islanders are such a warm and friendly bunch - we were even invited into two of their houses, introduced to family and shown around like we'd known them for years. Each one said they'd hitched in the past and just wanted to help us out.

On a sadder note, having taken lifts from a couple of people who were Native Canadians (or First Nations people as they preferred to be called) I learnt about the atrocities the British committed against their ancestors in the past. First Nation children were forcedly removed from their families and sent to 'residential schools' where their culture and language was essentially beaten out of them. Physical punishments, brain washing and sexual abuse was commonplace. My heart literally felt heavy upon hearing the stories and at times I felt ashamed to be British. The situation has improved today to some extent, as they are allocated reserves where they can live tax free, but it is scant reparation considering the ethnic cleansing that occurred.

The time has finally come - we're off to Jasper tomorrow to start work! It's been a long journey, we've met some amazing people along the way and had lots of fun. I'm looking forward to having a routine again, and most of all, a uniform. Actually, I will be the resort's handyman, so in fact the most exciting thing is that I will have a tool belt. All I need is some stuff to put in it! I am already imagining the phone calls from guests - "yes Mrs Smith, I'll be right over, but this is the FOURTH time I've fixed your fan this week, are you sure you're not trying to seduce me?". We will see!!

BABY RUTH!

The Lost City is so 2009!

So, it's all done with now. The verdict on our final trek: the jury is still out. There were parts I enjoyed, and other parts I didn't enjoy, and actually found annoying.

I'll start with the parts I enjoyed. Firstly, I loved the physical exercise - the challenge of walking uphill in temperatures exceeding 30 degrees centigrade at a fast pace was excellent. I've definitely discovered that the bigger the challenge, the more I enjoy it. I couldn't imagine anything more boring than a life without challenges and variety - if it hurts it is doing you good! Secondly, the scenery was beautiful - jungle and pristine waterfalls and rivers to cannonball into and then swim in. Made some nice friends too - Roddy, a nice chap from Northern Ireland was good banter and Julian from Adelaide was a laugh - the highlight of our exchanges was helping to locate the tics on his body and smothering them with Vaseline (not because they had dry lips, but because it suffocated them).

Now onto the things I didn't enjoy. For the first time, I think we got a sh*t group. There were two Swiss girls who made scant attempt to befriend others, with the exception of Julian whom they fancied, and spent the majority of their time just mumbling to each other in Cherman and letting out a constant fake laugh which was the audio equivalent of someone scraping a cheese grater on my face by the end of the 5 days. Also, I attempted general chit-chatter with them (which I am averse to) a couple of times, which was greeted by silence and a look on their faces which would normally result if I'd just farted and wafted it in their direction. There was a British guy who tried to make a joke out of literally EVERYTHING which got very tiring and a miserable git from Ireland who became irritable if anyone dared complain about anything, e.g. 'it's only a feckin' hammock, just pick one and feckin' get on with it'. In summary, I felt like the atmosphere sucked for about 60% of the time. For an unknown reason, I suffered my highest count of tumbleweed moments EVER in 5 days - I may not consider myself to be of Jonathan Ross' calibre (well, actually...) but I am 9/10 content with my level of banter. It's like they'd been paid to shut up when I said anything. To quote Eddy Murphy in Coming to America ("taste the soup!") 'aah, wha'd ya know about funny?'

By the end of the 5 days, I was happy to see the back of the majority of them and looking forward to having fun again, and most importantly HAVING MY EXCELLENT JOKES LAUGHED AT.

Following our return to Santa Marta, I returned to my modus operandi i.e. laying next to a pool and sunbathing. On occasion, for variety, I would get into the pool, then get out to dry off. If I was feeling wild I would leave the hostel premises and buy an ice cream. It's as energetic as I got.

Cressy and I met a lovely Colombian guy in our hostel called John Freddy, who had travelled all the way from from Medellin (the double 'L' in Medellin is pronounced like a soft 'J') on his Vespa moped. We are talking in excess of 800 km - in short, he is a complete legend. He walked and talked with a Caribbean-esque pace and oozed friendliness. We spent a day with him visiting a waterfall and he helped me to practise my Spanish and in return I helped him with his English. He bought us beer and food and told us a lot of interesting information about the surrounding nature and Colombian history. It's his dream to come to England and I intend to help him do so. The poor chap's Dad died only a few months ago and it was very evident how close to him he was. My favourite moment was when he told me a phrase his Dad had often told him when growing up, 'es mas importante para tener amigos que dinero', i.e. it's more important to have friends than money. Right on!

Now to Cartagena. I won't mention the bus journey where our driver crashed into the front of a taxi (albeit at only a few MPHs), neglected to stop, then got chased by the driver of the taxi, who promptly boarded the bus when it next stopped and started punching the driver of the bus and looked like he was trying to pull a gun out of his - to say I nearly cacked myself would not be far wrong - it would take too long.

Playa Blanca - what an experience! It's an idyllic beach approx 45 minutes from Cartagena and most easily reachable by boat. More or less, it is heaven on earth. As we approached I noted the white sand beach, clear turquoise sea (forgive the oxymoron), hammocks to sleep in and the bars selling beer. I was contented. We duly spent the next couple of days doing virtually nothing except sunbathing, relaxing, eating, swimming in the sea and tanning. And oh yes, I have a tan! Photos to follow. Several times I said out loud, "this is a hard life".

Now we're in Cartagena, following a one hour flight which cost less than $50! Perfic. On the plane a good looking Colombian girl stopped me as I was going to toilet and asked if I wanted to sit next to her. I politely declined, so she settled for two photos with me. She obviously has very good taste.

3 days until Canada. WEIRD!!

Colombia - Supermarkets and Waterfalls

Sorry I haven't called in a while, but I have been busy. Why? None of your business!

Well, Ecuador was a rush! Not in the adrenaline sense of the word (well at times it was, actually) but in the sense we only had 2 weeks in total! We were on the move the whole time pretty much!

The first week we went to Ban(y)os and I hurled myself off a bridge, for no particular reason! I was feeling a bit wussy that day so I agreed when they insisted Ｉattached rope to myself at one end, and the bridge at the other. We then booked our trip to the chungle and went!

It was amazing - we saw loads of animals, including the common house emerald Boa Constrictor which decided to reside a lado to my bed! The bastard! I was understandably concerned at first but then we came to an agreement - he eat the insects that were trying to bite me and I allow him to stay on a temporary basis. He was silent on the matter but I took this as a sign of his acquiescence. In addition we saw tarantulas (an excellent word for the letter 'T' in I-Spy), poisonous snakes, pink river dolphins etc.

I then took a week Spanish course in Quito. I had some contacts to call upon for assistance and they very kindly gave me and the missus a free en-suite room for the week - sweet - and a discount on the tuition. How did it go? - I hear you asking - excellently! Without doubt my ability doubled in the 5 days I studied and I managed to practice a lot too. It was excellent spending time with Diego, Patty and Sandra and the rest of the crew. Made some good friends in the student residence too - more to heap onto the pile!

Now we're in Columbia and it is blaady hot! The humidity is like a fat, hot, sweaty man hugging you all day and never letting go! Just as I would with a hot, fat, sweaty man hugging me all day, I got used to it after a while. I actually started to like it...

To cool off we went to a waterfall today. On the walk back a very friendly Columbian family offered us a cold beer. Well, it would have been rude to say no! As they drove past us on the way down, they insisted we jump in to get a lift back. Very kind! A party inside the car then ensued, including necking shots of whiskey, dancing to the same song about 15 times and sh*tting myself wondering why the old geezer in the back had a pistol in his belt! 'For protection' he claimed. So I turned back to the whiskey!

On Wednesday we're doing the Lost City trek, though I'm not sure we'll find it....

There is an excellent cat here!

Ciao for now brown cows

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Santa Cruz Trek - The Most Beautiful Thing I've Ever Seen!

The title says it all.

We just finished a 4 day trek in Santa Cruz Valley, Peru, having started from the city of Huaraz which sits approximtaley 3,100 metres above sea level in the Peruvian Andes.

Without hesitation, I can say it was the best thing I have ever done and the scenery was the most spectacular I think I'll ever see. Having already done tours in Colca Canyon and Grand Canyon it is some feat, but I am adamant in my exclamation! Check out my images and videos on Facebook and you'll see what I mean.

The altitude was the first obstacle to overcome - on the first day alone we reached heights of over 4,800 metres above sea level. Just walking and breathing were a challenge whilst my body was still aclimatising. Our walk started with an ascent for approximately 1 hour and it felt like my heart was going to jump out of my chest! The lack of oxygen in the air means your heart has to work much harder to pump the blood around to afford your organs the oxygen they need to function. Luckily I had a piano with me so there was no promblem there.

We arrived at our camp approx. 5 hours later and our tents had already been set up by the young chap who was guiding the donkeys that carried our equipment. Within half an hour lunch was being served and I was amazed at how resourceful the guides were with limited cooking facilities and ingredients - the food was always fresh, filling and nutritious.

Day two was the hardest slog in the world, ever - official! We ascended 1,100 metres up to 4,700 metres above sea level via a rocky path, avoiding bad tempered bulls (well, slightly agrieved) and the occasional donkey. I took my pulse at one point and it was over 140 bpm! I have come to realise I love hard challenges - there is a very fine line between be exhausted and ecstatic I believe. When we finally reached the pass through the mountains the views were breathtaking.

By days three and four my chicken legs had grown meagre amounts of muscle and my poor heart has started to aclimatise so the walking became easier - I am a machine!! The scenery continued to delight and we had so much fun. At one point were were transcending a valley that was criss-crossed by small rivers, and I took it upon myself to cross them long-jump style. I duly obliged to entertain the group and fall arse-over tit into mud (and possibly horse shit).

Our group was fantastic - a German, an Italian, an American, 2 French (yes, they ate garlic) and two Peruvians. And yes, of course, I was the most handsome!!

We head to Ecuador tonight and then after 2 weeks to Colombia - WHERE HAS ALL THE TIME GONE??!

Ciao for now.

Sandboarding and Peruvian Wine Tours

Our latest point of call to note was at a place called Huacachina (easy for you to say). It is a very small town approx. 5 hours south of Lima that exists only due to an oasis lagoon that sits amongst the rolling sand dunes.

The main focus was sandboarding, but we found out we could also do a tour of the Ballestas Islands (known as the poor man´s Galapagos), which are excellent for spotting sea lions, boobies (yes, I did giggle and wink each time the guide said that word) and pelicans and also do a tour of the local vineyards.

Ballestas Islands were good - I refer you to photos on Facebook. Sandboarding was also good, but as I´d done a day of snowboarding before it felt pretty lame! Wine tour was definitely a highlight. We visited 3 ´bodegas´and each for each ´tasting´ they pretty much gave us half a glass! I was hammered by the end! Kept my composure as always though and held fort!

We´re back in Lima but heading to Huaraz to climb some moontains - we both feel like we have excess stores of energy so are looking forward to it!

Ciao England.

Copacabana, Puno, Arequipa and Colca Canyon

I will start this post with a brief description of Copacabana in Bolivia, which nestles beside the majestic Lake Titicaca - it is shite. It is a dirty little town that had a 'carnival' going on for the whole time we were there. I will describe the scenario so my pain may be dissipated vicariously - a 'band' 'played' their instruments for approximately 14 hours a day outside our hotel, but it appeared they were briefed with the following instruction, "bang your instrument as loudly as you can and pay no particular attention to timing, rhythm or melody. As for dancing, have a p*ssed off look on your face and just do a 130 degree turn in one direction and then switch to the other direction (like an AC circuit) whilst twirling your skirt, and under NO circumstances try to improvise". I trust I have conveyed the message that I thoroughly enjoyed this local spectacle.

Thankfully the town also lacked a cash machine, meaning we couldn't withdraw the bunse to do a tour to Isla Del Sol (which by all accounts is actually beautiful) which hastened our premature exit to Puno, on the Peruvian side of the lake. What a relief! Cash machines, internet, excellent vegetarian restaurants, nice people and an abundance of good quality artisan items. We did a tour to the floating Uros reed islands which was interesting enough to occupy us for a few hours. We didn't stick around long though and made our way to Arequipa, which is the base city to explore Colca Canyon (deepest canyon in the world, twice as deep as Grand Canyon) from.

Arequipa is big! When we approached it at night in our bus it looked as big as LA or London! Quite surprising. It's a pleasant and vibrant city and - wait for it - Cressy and I went to a museum! Second shocking fact - it was actually interesting! There are the mummified remains of a female Inca teenage sacrifice victim on display, preceded by a very informative and captivating National Geographic video. An excellent guide furnished us with the perfect quantity of pertinent information and the whole experience only lasted about 40 minutes. In brief, the Incas believed that the volcanoes were actually gods and an eruption signified that they were angry. In order to appease them, human sacrifices were offered and it was considered a privilege to be chosen as the sacrificial offering. When the guide told me that I actually thought, "bullshit!" but according to the literature the claim holds true! The main mummy (Juanita) was behind screens being restored as part of an annual conservation program but the replacement was still an excellent example of a child body preserved by the extreme cold at the top of the volcano.

Enough history now. 3 days ago we set off on our trek of Colca Canyon, which was bloody hard! The scenery was stunning and there were two ascents, the longest of which was 1,100 metres on the last day up a steep rocky path in the pouring rain. At over 3,000 metres above sea level breathing was very difficult and at times Cressy and I declared that we reached 7 out of a possible 10 on the fed up scale! When we reached the summit I literally screamed (note 'screamed', and not shouted) with delight and felt like hugging everyone. To add to my delirium the hostel had the best shower in the world (ever, officially) and I could have spent the whole night in it. We toasted our success with a few Mojitos in the local bar and all agreed that I was in fact the best climber despite my apparent lack of quadricep muscles and legs that look like arms.

As it was such an achievement, we decided to celebrate again upon our return to Arequipa by having Mexican food, drinking beer then going to a karaoke bar and drinking lots of good quality rum and Coke. I was horrified by the version of Bill Withers' 'Lean on Me' they had and duly refused to sing, but was quietly amused by the inexplicable soft porn video they had to accompany it.

We head to Cusco tomorrow evening to seek pastures new and further adventure.

La Paz

We´re in La Paz, Bolivia, hence the title of this entry.

It is boring! I think I´ve come to realise that cities in general are quite boring - generally the focal points tend to be churches and museums, which by their very nature are intended to inflict boredom and a desperation to leave on the poor souls that enter.

Cressy is going to do the DEATH ROAD cycle route, also known affectionately as ´The World´s Most Dangerous Road´ tomorrow. Can you imagine why I won´t be joining her?! To be fair, lots of people do it every day and only about 60% die, which is a favourable statistic. It does not appeal to me at all! I am a complete wuss and not great on a bicycle, so it would have been a pointless exercise and a waste of money if I joined her. Luckily there is another person from our hostel who will be accompanying her. I will be thinking of her as I sit in the comfort of the hostel bar and watch football ALL DAY!

I must have eaten something dodgy last night as I felt absolutely turd last night and this morning and was sick! Imodium is officially a life saver. Whoever invented it deserves the Nobel Peace Prize I think. I can´t think of anything it won´t fix - water leak? Imodium. Diarrhea? Imodium. Unemployed? Imodium. I challenge anyone to suggest a situation that Imodium cannot fix!

We´re looking forward to moving on to Lake Titicaca, Peru and the Inca Trail in particular. It´s terrible what has happened there and we know someone who is still stranded in Aguas Calientes, the small town at the foot of Machu Picchu. Selfishly, I hope everything is ok by the time we come to do the walk, but more importantly I hope normality returns to the lives of those affected by the flooding and landslides.

Rafael Benitez is the bane of my life. I am having sleepless nights and am totally unable to enjoy my holiday because of him - can someone please inform him of this and ask that he resigns as a result? Thanks.

Keep it real and spread the love people.

Electricity and Internet - Hallelujah!

We just arrived into Uyuni in Bolivia after a 4 day tour of the salt flats in Bolivia, which was amazing! The scenery was spectacular and we had great banter with our compatriots from Nueva Zelanda who were lucky enough to have a sense of humour and demeanour which was approcaching the quality of ours! Mine in particular...

It is relieving in a way to be back to ´civilisation´ i.e. to have internet, telephone, and running water again. I am surprised by how little I missed it actually - I suspect it is because we were kept so busy and the altitude took a lot to get used to - at times we were nearly 5000 metres above sea level!

On the first day of our tour we arrived into our accommodation, which was possibly the most remote town / settlement I have ever seen in my life. Imagine driving through dusty desert for about 7 hours, passing literally no sign of life other than flamingoes and the odd llama on the way to then arrive at a collection of 20 or so houses made from mud bricks. The altitude was 4,400 metres above sea level, so of course we did the sensible thing and played basketball with local kids, to discover that we ran out of breath just walking on to the court. We were outclassed by a group seven year olds, so of course I did the sensible thing and bullied on account of their inferior height and weight.

The final day was fantastic and we did the mandatory perspective photos on the salt flats, which was amazing fun! Soon they will be added to Facebook, much to my delight.

These four days have been fantastic and it was fun, fun and more fun.

Looking forward to the next part of our adventure with great anticipation.

Fush and Chups

We are in Bolivia!

I felt a sense of elation when we arrived here because I think I had reached my limit with Argentina - I was sick of people who worked on buses doing their, " I couldn´t give a sh&t that you´re vegetarian, just scrape the ham off" face. We even had to queue for 2 hours just to leave the country!!

Bolivia is a world apart. For a start, everyone is a lot shorter and it is apparent that poverty is commonplace. I was so pleased to find our bus we were taking to Tupiza was old, horribly painted, uncomfortable and only just fit for the job - that is what travelling is about! However, I also felt guilty and slightly voyeuristic - whilst everything seemed more ´South American´ and ´cultural´it is simply because people are poorer and have fewer of life´s luxuries. What is a novelty for me is reality for these people every day and I am certain it is not pleasing for them. The only solution was to flog myself and apologise for my conduct during the war - I feel a lot better now.

We bumped into a lovely couple from New Zealand (Nuck and Keem, aka Nick and Kim) on the bus whom we´d chatted to for a wee while in Mendoza and we´ve been hanging around with them ever since. We all went on a jeep tour, mountain bike descent of 800 metres and horse riding tour in the desert yesterday and we´re going on a 4 day tour of the salt flats and surrounding area tomorrow. We were due to leave today but poor old Nick got sick so we delayed for a day - the good news is that I got to see some Premiership football! Every cloud...

We´re at an altitude of about 3000 meteres and it is weird how the smallest of actions require me to summon a lot of energy! Today has been knackering - walking to the post office of course required a rewarding trip to the ice cream shop and I imagine to stay true to form we will drink beer later.

I am considerig writing a small book called, ´Cressyisms´. Entry 1: "Is Holland in Denmark?"

More to follow...

Good Times Coupled with Organised Chaos

We have been kept busy over the last week or so meeting Realgap's partner in Buenos Aires. It was excellent fun to spend time with them as they are very professional, efficient and hospitable. They showed us around very worthwhile and challenging volunteer projects, their fantastic Spanish school and some of the extra activities they organise for the participants. They paid for literally EVERYTHING, which of course means that they received a very favourable write up in my report. The moral of the story – bribery is not dead! My highlight was playing in a mini football tournament and the partner paying for my participation – in my eyes it doesn't get better than that!! Oh and they took us to a vegetarian restaurant where the food was delicious – 'bags of flavour'!

It was a welcome change to be busy and have an itinerary again – I feel lost, slightly panicky and clammy when I don't have a schedule of activities much like when you remove routine from an old granny. Gaston's was great as he is incredibly hospitable and generous and organised lot of fun things to do, but in the last few days it felt to me like a majority of our time was just spent sleeping in late and eating – I almost felt suffocated at times and just wanted to run around and scream!

Something I've been very happy with is at least 95% of the people we've encountered on our trip have been very friendly and we've collected some new friends along the way. I find it really pleasing and refreshing that I can spend only a couple of days with a person and already feel a friendship forming. It reminds me that the vast majority of human beings are nice and do want to be friendly with each other, and it's only when bullshit like politics, money and religion get in the way that things start to go pear-shaped. Stick it to the man!

In a way I will also be glad to see the back of Argentina. I think you have to come here to know what I mean when I say that even buying a bottle of water is an arduous task at times. There exists a level of inefficiency, stupidity, apathy and bureaucracy in their business operations that would be hard to replicate anywhere, even if a new country was started whose sole inhabitants were from O2's customer service call centre.

Exhibit A: Cressy and I planned to meet Gaston at his house in San Miguel, which is about 50 mins from the centre of BA. We walked from our hostel to the correct bus stop and waited half an hour. The bus arrived, I tried to pay, but was informed that the ticket machine on board only accepts coins. So we duly ran off the bus, tried to buy something from the kiosk next to the bus stop, to be greeted with the response from the belligerent shop owner, 'no moneda!', which means 'no coins'! So of course, the bus pulled away and left without us. I was subsequently informed from several reliable sources that there is a national shortage of coins and some businesses have to pay 5% above their face value to obtain them. SO WHY BLOODY MAKE BUSES ONLY ACCEPT COINS?! The answer from most locals is, 'this is Argentina'.

Exhibit B: Cressy and I wished to be efficient and save a journey to the bus station so decided to buy our bus tickets from Buenos Aires to Salta online. We discovered what a foolhardy decision this was in time! We duly turned up to the bus station half an hour before it was due to leave as advised, and I went straight to the desk to inform them that we are both vegetarian hence would like our dinners to be meat free. It is guaranteed that I will then have to answer, “no, we don't eat chicken or ham”, to an attendant showing a bemused and amused expression. We waited, stood vigilantly in front of the screens displaying the bus departure information, and started to become a little bit worried when it was 5 mins before the departure time and still there was no sign of our bus. I reminded myself, “this is Argentina” and had faith that it would still be on time, which roughly equates to half an hour late when translated into English. When it was 30 mins late, I went to the desk to check on whereabouts of our trusty steed, to be told, “oh, it left 15 minutes ago”. “Fantastic” I thought! But it got even better. The bus company that was running the service was changed as was the departure time on the same day it was due to leave, but there was no information anywhere to reflect this on the screens. When I asked how I was supposed to know about the changes the response I was met with approximately 20 times was, “you should have checked” and “it's not my problem”, accompanied by a shrug of the shoulders and a “please stop talking to me” look on their faces. So the good news was that we missed our bus and lost our money! Bastards (said in the voice of Rab C Nesbitt).

However, on the plus side, a lovely Argentinian family who witnessed our demise donated two hours of their time to try to help us get our money back from the waste-of-space and oxygen employees of the bus company (Andesmar, in case anyone needs a recommendation of who NOT to travel with in Argentina). It was an unsuccessful and thankless task but it was incredibly generous of the family (Sonja and Miguel with two children, in case anyone needs a recommendation of an Argentinian family to help you in a bus station).

Now we approach Salta with a cruising altitude of 15 feet (upstairs of the bus) and south westerly wind with approximate time of arrival of 'whenever they feel like it'. Bungee jumping, wine tasting (again), horse riding and general folly awaits.

Back in BA

As the title suggests, we`re back in Buenos Aires.

We returned to spend NYE with Gaston, his family and friends. It was a great evening spent with lots of nice people. Unfortunately, Gaston is both a sadist and a slave driver, so we stayed up until 6 a.m. drinking, dancing and singing (very badly). I knew the evening / morning was ready to come to an end when I looked at Gaston and thought he resembled a dribbling, disorientated baby. I am sure he thought the same about me.

Today I rose from my bed at 3:30 p.m. I soon realised this was a mistake, so returned for a little longer.

We just went for a walk for an hour, again decided it was a bad idea when it was nearly over, and now reside in our den with fizzy drinks, Sky+ and crisps.

2010 here we come!